I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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