honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize