She's JV to your varsity
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
