I cockslap morals
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
