So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
