if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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