and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
