So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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