Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
