I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
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