Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
