based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
