I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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