I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize