every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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