Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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