I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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