naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
