my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize