I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So much rum. So many feels.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
