Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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