Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
