she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
