he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
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