There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you will always have a special place in my vag
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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