i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
he thought i was a dude.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
