The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Is it penis luge time yet?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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