I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
