so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
