tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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