Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
