I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
We named our party play list daddy issues
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
