I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
