We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
