He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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