I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
