brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i would punch a child for taco bell
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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