...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
