Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
