She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Found your dick twin last night
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
