Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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