I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
