I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize