if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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