YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
