I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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