Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize