just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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