Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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