moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
