I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
