First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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