I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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