She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
