I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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