need another drink. this is the easiest way
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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