You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
