Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
