I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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