she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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