i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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