a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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