I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
