please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I can't turn off my feet"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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