the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
